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Dating is a whole different ball game when you have no arms and legs. I tried online dating, and my profile says, "I'm looking for someone who can handle a guy with no limbs—literally." Let me tell you, the responses were interesting. One person asked if I needed a hand, another offered a leg up. I appreciated the effort. My first date was at a fancy restaurant. The waiter looks at me and goes, "Would you like a hand with the menu?" I said, "No, but I could use some help with the high-five. Oh wait..."
But you know, love knows no bounds. I eventually found someone who sees past the lack of limbs and focuses on the heart. Or, well, the remaining parts of me.
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People often ask me, "What's it like having no arms and legs?" Well, let me tell you, there are some unexpected perks. I never have to worry about losing in a game of arm wrestling, that's for sure. And if someone tries to steal my wallet, good luck running away from a guy who can roll faster than a bowling ball. I went to the gym the other day—yeah, the gym. I told the trainer, "I'm here to pump... my wheelchair tires." Got some strange looks, but hey, a workout's a workout.
But you know what's the best part? No more awkward handshakes. I just nod my head like, "Nice to meet you. Fist bump? Oh wait, I don't have fists. Bump my forehead?
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You ever notice how people always say, "I laughed my arms and legs off"? Well, I did that literally. I lost my arms and legs once. No, not in a tragic accident—more like a really intense game of Twister gone wrong. I'm at the hospital, and the doctor's looking at me like, "What happened?" I'm like, "Doc, have you ever tried reaching for green when you have no arms or legs? It's impossible!"
But here's the thing, I didn't let it get me down. I got prosthetic limbs now, and I've become a pro at putting them on. Although, I did mix up the arms and legs once. Ended up walking like a T-Rex for a day. But hey, it's all about adapting, right?
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Life's a journey, they say. Well, mine's more like a joyride, just without the arms to raise in the air. I'm cruising through life on my wheels, and people always ask, "How do you stay so positive?" Easy—I never have to worry about tripping over my own feet. I did get pulled over by a cop once. He comes up and says, "Do you know how fast you were rolling?" I'm like, "Officer, I have no legs—I don't even have a gas pedal!" He let me off with a warning, probably out of sympathy or confusion.
So, if life ever gets you down, just remember, it could be worse. You could be trying to run a marathon with no legs. Talk about a real uphill battle.
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