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Keto has taught me that a cauliflower can be transformed into almost anything – pizza crust, rice, even mashed "potatoes." I'm just waiting for the day I walk into a restaurant and they hand me a cauliflower menu.
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On keto, they say you can have cheese. Lots and lots of cheese. But have you ever tried finding a low-carb cheese that actually melts? It's like trying to find a unicorn – everyone talks about it, but does it really exist?
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I've been on keto for a while now, and I've come to the conclusion that the real secret to weight loss is not cutting carbs; it's the amount of energy you burn trying to explain to your grandma why you can't eat her famous lasagna.
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So, I'm on this keto diet, and my friends are all like, "You can't have sugar!" It's like they're telling me I can't have happiness. I'm over here sipping on my unsweetened almond milk, wondering if this is what regret tastes like.
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You know you're on keto when your spice rack becomes the most exciting part of your kitchen. Suddenly, paprika is the Beyoncé of your cupboard, and cinnamon is like the backup dancer stealing the show.
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I went to a keto-friendly restaurant the other day. The menu was like a secret code – "Can I get the avo-keto with a side of cauli-rice?" I felt like I was ordering from the culinary version of the Da Vinci Code.
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Keto has made me question everything I thought I knew about food. I used to see an avocado and think, "Yum, guacamole!" Now, I see an avocado and think, "Am I in ketosis yet?" It's like a green, creamy mystery.
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People on keto love talking about their "macros." It's like a secret society where they discuss the intricate details of protein, fat, and carbs. I'm over here thinking, "Can I join this club or do I need to pass a broccoli initiation first?
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You ever notice that on keto, everything suddenly becomes a substitute? "Oh, you're craving spaghetti? How about some spiralized zucchini? It's just like pasta!" Yeah, and a tricycle is just like a Harley Davidson.
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Keto has turned me into a label detective. I spend more time in the grocery store reading nutrition labels than I do picking out clothes. If I put half as much effort into my relationships as I do into finding low-carb snacks, I'd probably have a keto-approved soulmate by now.
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