bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
So, I'm in panic mode, right? The universe's invoice is looming over me like a dark cloud. I start imagining the worst—what if they send collections after me? I'm picturing these intergalactic debt collectors knocking on my door, saying, "We've come to repossess your soul." I mean, how do you even hide from the universe? It's kind of everywhere! I tried stalling tactics. You know, like when you try to delay paying your bills because you hope they forget? So, I pretended to be in a constant state of meditation, hoping the universe would be like, "Oh, sorry, didn't mean to disturb your Zen. We'll bill you later."
I even considered faking my own cosmic identity theft. I mean, if someone else out there is willing to claim responsibility for my existence, they can have the invoice too! But then I realized, stealing an identity in the universe is probably a lot harder than just opening a credit card in someone else's name.
And then it hit me. What if I could just find a loophole? Like, maybe I could file for a universal bankruptcy? But then I thought, bankruptcy in the universe probably means getting demoted to amoeba status for a while, and I quite like having opposable thumbs!
I even contemplated moving to a different dimension. You know, like, "Sorry, I'm not in this universe anymore, can't pay that bill." But the thought of learning a whole new set of physical laws and making new cosmic friends just to dodge an invoice seemed a bit extreme, even for me.
Anyway, if anyone knows how to get a cosmic extension on the invoice, please slide into my DMs. I'll owe you one, quite literally!
0
0
So, I decided to tackle this universe invoice, right? I figured, "Fine, I'll pay it." But then I realized, how do you pay a bill that's as abstract as the concept of existence itself? Do I just mail them some good vibes and positive energy? Do I Venmo the universe and hope they accept karma points as currency? I mean, I went to the bank, tried to withdraw some "life" savings. The banker looked at me like, "Sir, I'm sorry, we only deal in actual currency here." And trust me, I checked, they don't have an "eternal happiness" exchange rate. I asked if I could pay in jokes, but they said laughter doesn't hold much value in the financial market.
Then there's the issue of the due date. I'm like, "Can I get an extension on this? Maybe a few extra decades to sort out my finances?" But nope, apparently, time waits for no one, not even for late payments on the universe's invoice.
I even tried bartering! I offered to trade in some bad luck for a discount. You know, like, "Hey, I've had a streak of bad days, can we offset some charges here?" They didn't go for it. Turns out, the universe doesn't have a trade-in program. I would've settled for store credit, at least.
But here's the kicker: they threatened to downgrade my subscription to "Basic Existence" if I didn't pay up. Basic existence! That sounds like the trial version of life, where you only get the demo reel of experiences. No thank you! I need the deluxe package, please.
I tell you, dealing with this invoice has been like trying to negotiate with a black hole—no light at the end of the tunnel, just endless cosmic paperwork!
0
0
You know what I realized? The universe's invoice is like one of those contracts you sign without reading the fine print. You're just going through life, having a good time, and suddenly you're like, "Wait, what do you mean there are terms and conditions?" I went back and reread the manual of existence, you know, that tiny pamphlet we all get when we're born. Turns out, it's not even in English! It's written in some ancient cosmic language that probably translates to "Good luck, figure it out."
And have you seen the clauses in there? "Subject to change without notice," "No refunds on experiences," and my personal favorite, "Life reserves the right to throw curveballs whenever it feels like it." I mean, who wrote this, a mischievous deity with a sense of humor?
Then there's the part about "Free Will." Apparently, we all get it, but it's like the ultimate limited edition item. Limited time offer! Act now and get your free will before it's too late! And of course, it's non-transferable, non-refundable, and definitely non-exchangeable.
But you know what? Despite the confusing terms, the unexpected charges, and the occasional fine print surprises, I wouldn't trade this existence for anything. So, Universe, you can keep your invoice—I'll take the rollercoaster ride of life any day!
0
0
You know, I got hit with a real shocker the other day. I received an invoice from the universe. Yeah, apparently, life's been keeping tabs on me! I'm thinking, "Wait a minute, I didn't sign up for this subscription service." I mean, I've been living, laughing, making my way through this crazy world, and suddenly, I get this piece of paper saying, "Hey, you owe for 30 years of existence!" I'm like, "Excuse me? What's the interest rate on that?" It's insane! They itemize everything too. "Existential crisis: $200. Random embarrassing moments: $50 each." I'm looking at this list thinking, "I didn't authorize any of these charges! Who's been sneaking these into my cart?" And don't get me started on the "unforeseen circumstances" fee. That's basically life's way of saying, "Surprise! You owe us because we said so!"
I tried negotiating, you know? I called customer service at the universe, and let me tell you, they have the worst hold music ever. It's like a cosmic orchestra of waiting. Finally, when they pick up, I ask, "Can we work out a payment plan?" They're like, "Sorry, no installments on existence. It's a one-time fee, non-refundable." I mean, where's the cancellation policy when you need it?
But you know what's the kicker? They're charging me for the good moments too! Happiness tax, they call it. I'm like, "Hang on a second, those were the moments I actually enjoyed!" It's like going to a buffet, eating the best dishes, and then getting charged extra because you smiled while doing it!
I guess that's life's way of reminding us, "Hey, everything comes with a price tag, even the good stuff." But seriously, the next time I get an invoice from the universe, I'm sending it straight to spam. I didn't sign up for this!
Post a Comment