16 Jokes For I Told My Wife

Puns

Updated on: Apr 08 2025

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I told my wife she should start a gardening business. She said it was just a plant of mine.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I told my wife she was reading too many novels. She said I’m just novel-obsessed.
I told my wife I was going to make a pencil with erasers at both ends. She said it was pointless.
I told my wife she should start a bakery. She kneaded that advice.
I told my wife I wanted a pet elephant. She said we already have a ton of issues.

I told my wife

You know, I told my wife I wanted to be more spontaneous. So, she surprised me with a weekend getaway. Guess where we ended up? The in-laws' house. Spontaneity level: expert.

I told my wife

I told my wife I wanted to be more eco-friendly. Now, every time I forget to turn off the lights, she gives me a guilt trip that could power a small village. I'm just trying to save the planet, but apparently, I'm the one who needs to reduce my carbon footprint.

I told my wife

I told my wife I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. She handed me a cookbook and said, Start with the recipe for a happy marriage. Now, I'm just trying to figure out if the secret ingredient is patience or laughter.

I told my wife

I told my wife I wanted more excitement in the bedroom. Her solution? Rearranging the furniture. Let me tell you, nothing kills the mood like trying to find the light switch in the dark.

I told my wife

I told my wife I wanted to be more adventurous. So, she suggested we try a new restaurant. Little did I know, the adventure was in deciphering the menu's descriptions. I felt like I needed a translator just to order a salad.

I told my wife

I told my wife I wanted more excitement in our lives. So, she signed us up for couples' yoga. Turns out, trying to coordinate downward dogs and arguing about who left the toilet seat up doesn't make for a Zen experience.

I told my wife

I told my wife I wanted more romance. So, she handed me a mop and said, Start by sweeping me off my feet. Now, our idea of a romantic night involves chores and a dustpan.

I told my wife

I told my wife I wanted to be more cultured. So, she took me to an art gallery. Turns out, my idea of art is a well-constructed sandwich, and hers is a three-hour discussion on the deeper meaning of abstract paintings. We're still working on finding common ground.

I told my wife

I told my wife I wanted more mystery in our relationship. Now, every time she asks, Do I look good in this? I feel like I'm navigating a minefield of potential wrong answers. It's not a question; it's a test, and I'm just hoping to pass with a solid B+.

I told my wife

I told my wife I wanted to be healthier, so she started hiding the snacks. Now, it's like living in a real-life game of hide and seek. Spoiler alert: the snacks always win.

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