4 Girlfrind Jokes

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jan 12 2025

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You know, having a girlfriend is like having a cat. You love them, but you also secretly suspect they're plotting something against you. My girlfriend is no exception. The other day, she gave me "the look." You know the one – that mysterious, cryptic expression that women have mastered. I tried to decode it, but I might as well have been deciphering ancient hieroglyphics. I asked her, "What's on your mind?" She replied, "Nothing." Oh, come on! If "nothing" had a face, it would be her "nothing" face.
Ladies, can we talk about the word "fine"? When a woman says, "I'm fine," it's like entering the Bermuda Triangle of relationships. You don't know if everything is genuinely fine or if you're about to face a storm of epic proportions. My girlfriend dropped the "fine" bomb on me the other day. I asked her, "What's wrong?" She replied, "I'm fine." So, being the investigative genius that I am, I responded, "Are you sure?" She looked at me and said, "I was fine, but now I'm not." Well, that clears it up. It's like trying to navigate through a conversation with a GPS that speaks in riddles.
Let's talk about texting. My girlfriend and I, we have our own unique language. She sends me a text that says, "We need to talk." Now, every guy knows that those four words can strike fear into the heart faster than a horror movie. So, I reply with three simple letters: "K." That's when World War III erupts in my living room. Suddenly, "K" is the most offensive letter in the alphabet. I didn't know "K" could be so aggressive. If "K" were a superhero, it would be Captain Chaos.
Who here loves shopping with their significant other? Oh, the joy! My girlfriend and I recently went on a shopping spree. Now, when I say "spree," I mean she shopped, and I survived. We enter the mall, and she immediately makes a beeline for the shoe store. I'm thinking, "Great, this won't take long." Two hours later, I'm holding more shoeboxes than a centipede has legs. I start to suggest practical shoes – you know, the ones with tires on the bottom for extra support. Let's just say my fashion advice was not well-received.

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