bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
There's no polite way to be evicted. You can't RSVP with a, "Sorry, I can't make it to homelessness this month." It's just awkward all around. And what about the neighbors? You know they're all at their windows like it's a neighborhood watch meeting. "Oh, looks like the Johnsons are doing the walk of shame with their furniture again. Classic Johnsons."
I think we need an Emily Post guide for eviction etiquette. Like, "When evicting someone, remember to say it's not them, it's you. And always offer them a parting gift, maybe a plant or a gently used toaster.
0
0
You ever notice how eviction sounds like some kind of dance move? Like, "Oh, look at that guy, he's got the eviction down!" I can imagine people in fancy ballrooms, dressed to the nines, gracefully getting kicked out of their apartments. It's all in the hips, you know? But seriously, eviction is like the worst breakup ever. You come home, and your stuff is packed up and waiting for you on the curb. It's like your apartment is saying, "It's not you, it's your credit score." And you're just standing there like, "But we had such good times together, remember the time I fixed that leaky faucet?"
Seems like landlords are the real relationship experts. They know how to end things quickly and without any chance of reconciliation. I wish I could break up with my gym membership as easily as they break up with tenants. "It's not working out, and also, you haven't been here in three months.
0
0
Getting an eviction notice is like getting a love letter from your landlord. "Dear Tenant, our relationship has been great, but it's time for you to see other apartments. PS: You have 30 days to move on." It's such a formal breakup, too. They don't just send you a text like, "Hey, we need some space." No, they draft a whole legal document. I half expect it to be notarized and delivered by a guy in a suit with a violin playing in the background.
And what's with the timing? Right before the holidays? It's like they're saying, "Here's a gift-wrapped box of stress. Happy Hanukkah!
0
0
Ever notice how moving out during an eviction is like participating in the Eviction Olympics? You've got the 100-meter dash to pack your stuff, the high jump over furniture you're leaving behind, and the emotional gymnastics of explaining to your friends why you need to crash on their couch for a while. And let's not forget the marathon of finding a new place. You're sprinting from one apartment to another, trying to beat out other desperate tenants like it's the Hunger Games. "May the odds of finding a decent landlord be ever in your favor!"
I swear, they should make eviction a televised sport. I can see the commentator now: "And here comes John, making a last-minute dash to save his security deposit. Oh, he fumbled the paperwork! That's going to cost him!
Post a Comment