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Joke Types
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Sleeping Through Life
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They say life is about seizing the moment. Well, I've mastered the art of seizing the snooze button. I figure if life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade, or you can just go back to sleep and dream about a world where lemons deliver themselves to your bed.
Doing Nothing
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You know, I've mastered the art of doing nothing. I even considered putting it on my resume, but I thought, Eh, they're probably looking for someone with more experience.
DIY Disasters
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I thought about doing some home improvement myself. You know, DIY projects. The only thing I successfully nailed was my thumb to the wall. I'm pretty sure my house is held together by hopes, dreams, and a few strategically placed band-aids.
Master of Avoiding Chores
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My superpower? I can avoid doing chores for an impressive amount of time. I've reached such a high level of procrastination that even the dust bunnies under my bed have started forming a union, demanding better working conditions.
The Gym Conundrum
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I tried doing the whole gym thing once. I lasted a week. It turns out my favorite exercise is pulling the blankets over me and doing a full-body stretch in bed. Who needs a treadmill when you can have a pillow?
Multitasking
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I tried multitasking the other day - you know, doing multiple things at once. I burnt my dinner, flooded the kitchen, and accidentally sent a text to my boss that was meant for my mom. Who knew one person could be so bad at doing so many things simultaneously?
Cooking Adventures
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I decided to venture into the world of cooking. I attempted to make a dish called 'Something.' You know you're in trouble when even the recipe says, Just throw in whatever you have. Let's just say, 'Something' tasted suspiciously like regret.
Social Media Procrastination
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I spend so much time on social media that I should put it on my resume as Professional Scroller. I'm so good at it; I've scrolled back to posts from 2010 and liked them, just to mess with people's notifications.
Procrastination Olympics
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I'm so good at doing things last minute; I should compete in the Procrastination Olympics. But then again, I'd probably wait until the last minute to sign up, and they'd already be over.
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