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The Traffic Light Designer
Coloring the Streets of Chaos
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Traffic light designers must have a secret vendetta against people who are always running late. It's like they know when you're in a hurry and decide to make every light a five-minute meditation session.
The Fortune Cookie Writer
Making Futures Tasty
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The other day, I opened a fortune cookie, and the message read, "Your life will be like a good joke—short and sweet." I couldn't tell if I should be optimistic or start looking for a rabbit's foot.
The Weather Forecaster
Predicting the Unpredictable
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I tried small talk with a meteorologist once, and it was awkward. I asked, "How's the weather?" and they replied, "I don't know, I'll let you know tomorrow." I guess they like to keep us in suspense.
The GPS Voice Artist
Navigating the Roads of Mispronunciation
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GPS voices should have a setting for mood. Like, if you're having a bad day, it should say, "In 200 feet, make a U-turn. Life didn't give you the right directions today." At least then, getting lost would feel like a choice.
The Pet Psychologist
Deciphering Canine Conundrums
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My friend's dog started therapy because it had an identity crisis. The pet psychologist said, "We're working on helping him understand that he's a dog, not the CEO of a multinational biscuit company." I didn't realize dogs had such high career aspirations.
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