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Joke Types
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Why did the negative number go to therapy? It had too many issues with its self-esteem!
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Why did the proton always have a negative attitude? It couldn't stay positive!
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Why did the pessimist become an electrician? He was an expert in negative connections!
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Why did the battery break up with the positive terminal? It couldn't handle the constant negativity!
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Why did the negative number go to the party? It wanted to be less square and more root!
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Why did the pessimist start a garden? He wanted to see if anything could grow despite his negative influence!
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Why did the pessimistic cat never chase mice? It believed there was no positive outcome!
Negativity GPS
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I got a GPS that gives negative directions. It says things like, In 500 feet, make a wrong turn because, let's face it, you're lost anyway. I appreciate the honesty, but now I'm stuck in a perpetual loop of U-turns and existential dread.
Negativity Yoga
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I tried yoga to relax and let go of negativity. They told me to find my center, but I think mine is located somewhere near the dark side of the moon. In the class, they said, Breathe in positivity, exhale negativity. I exhaled so much negativity that the person next to me turned into a pessimist. Oops.
Negativity Diet Plan
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I decided to try a new diet plan. It's called the Negativity Diet. You eat whatever you want, but before every meal, you have to say something negative about yourself. I'm not sure if I'm losing weight, but my self-esteem is on a strict calorie deficit.
Master of the Art of Complaining
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They say I'm a master of the art of complaining. I've even considered putting it on my resume. Skills: Complaining. Strengths: Finding faults in the flaws. The only downside is that the interviewer didn't seem too thrilled when I pointed out the imperfections in the office's feng shui.
Negative Fortune Cookies
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I got a fortune cookie the other day, and instead of a fortune, it just said, This too shall get on your nerves. I thought, finally, a realistic fortune! So, I started my own line of negative fortune cookies. They're so accurate that when you open one, it just says, Seriously? Again?
Negativity Olympics
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You know, I recently joined the Negativity Olympics. Yeah, it's this competition where participants try to outdo each other with their pessimism. I won the gold medal for convincing the judges that my morning coffee was plotting against me. Turns out, it was just having a latte identity crisis.
Negative Calorie Diet
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I tried this new diet called the Negative Calorie Diet. Supposedly, you burn more calories complaining about your meal than you gain from eating it. Let me tell you, my abs have never been so sore from exercising my right to be negative. Who needs a gym when you can just scoff at salads?
Negative Weather Forecast
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I asked Siri for the weather forecast, and she said, Expect a 100% chance of complaints with a slight chance of rain. I thought, great, even the weather is being negative. I guess my umbrella should come with a side of sarcasm.
Negative Affirmations
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I tried positive affirmations, but they weren't working for me. So, I switched to negative affirmations. Now, every morning, I look in the mirror and say, Today is going to be just as awful as yesterday. It's surprisingly liberating to embrace the predictability of chaos.
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