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Joke Types
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What's an athlete's favorite kind of shoes? Sneakers - they're always a good fit!
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What's an athlete's favorite type of investment? Running in the stock market!
Athletic Antics
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You ever notice how they call it athleticism? I tried being athletic once; I pulled a muscle just watching a workout video. I'm what you call a spectator athlete. My favorite exercise is running my mouth, especially when there's a pizza on the line.
Late-Night Snack Olympics
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You know you're out of shape when you consider reaching for the remote control to be your daily cardio. Late-night snacking should be an Olympic sport; I've mastered the art of balancing snacks on my belly while binge-watching. I call it the Couch Potato Olympics.
Gym Conundrums
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I joined a gym recently. The only thing I've lifted so far is my membership card to swipe it at the smoothie bar. They say exercise is good for the soul, but have they considered the toll it takes on your ability to climb stairs the day after leg day? I need a personal escalator, preferably one with a snack dispenser.
Yoga Misadventures
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I attempted yoga once. Let's just say my downward dog looked more like a confused cat stuck in a tree. The instructor said, Breathe into the pose. I was busy trying not to breathe too loudly and draw attention to my struggle.
Extreme Sports, Extreme Couch Potato
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Extreme sports enthusiasts always amaze me. I consider changing the TV channel without the remote to be my version of an extreme sport. My idea of rock climbing is getting off the couch to grab another bag of chips.
Fitness Fashion Faux Pas
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I bought some new workout clothes to motivate myself. Now my wardrobe is athleisure chic, and my couch has never felt more judged. The only thing I'm breaking a sweat over is deciding between athleisure and laziness couture.
The Marathon of Adulting
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Life feels like a never-ending marathon. The only difference is, in this marathon, there's no finish line, just a constant loop of bills to pay and dishes to wash. I'd trade my running shoes for a good pair of adulting slippers any day.
Olympic Dreams
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I watched the Olympics recently and thought, I could do that. Then I realized they were swimming faster than I can run. I'm not saying I'm out of shape, but the last time I ran a mile, it was because the ice cream truck was leaving my neighborhood.
Sports Fan Dilemma
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I'm not exactly a sports fanatic. My idea of a marathon is binge-watching an entire season of a TV show in one sitting. The only trophy I've ever won is for the Most Creative Excuse to Avoid the Gym. Spoiler alert: it involved Netflix.
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