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You know, I've noticed something lately – there's this epidemic of people named Blake. I mean, seriously, it's like every time you turn around, there's another Blake popping up. Are they cloning themselves? Is there a Blake factory somewhere? I'm starting to think there's a secret society of Blakes plotting to take over the world. Imagine a world run by Blakes – Blake presidents, Blake CEOs, Blake baristas at every coffee shop. I can't decide if that sounds like a utopia or a nightmare. I mean, how do we keep up with all these Blakes? Do we need a Blake registry or something? "Hi, I'm Dave, and I'm not a Blake." It's getting confusing out there!
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I feel bad for people named Blake because, let's be honest, it's not the most exciting name. No offense to any Blakes out there, but when you introduce yourself as Blake, it's like you're setting the bar low. I mean, there's no mystery – you're not wondering if this person's name is going to be something wild and unpredictable. It's always Blake. And what's with the parents who name their kids Blake but then call them something else? "Hi, I'm Blake, but you can call me B-Rock." B-Rock? Really? Sounds more like a rapper than a Blake. I think Blakes should embrace their Blake-ness. Own it, be proud of it. Maybe we should start a campaign – "Embrace the Blake!
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You ever play that game where you repeat a word so many times it starts to sound weird? Blake. Blake. Blake. See, now it sounds like a made-up name. But it's not! It's a real name, and there are real people named Blake everywhere. I tried an experiment – I went to a crowded place and yelled, "Hey, Blake!" and at least five people turned around. It's like they have a Blake radar or something. I bet if you went to the North Pole and yelled, "Blake!" an Eskimo would pop out of an igloo and say, "Did someone call me?" It's uncanny. I'm telling you, Blakes are taking over the world, one friendly greeting at a time. Watch out, folks, the Blakelution is coming!
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You ever notice how you can't escape Blakes? They're everywhere! I was at the grocery store the other day, minding my own business in the cereal aisle, and I hear, "Excuse me, can you pass me the Frosted Flakes?" Of course, I turn around, expecting to see a kid, and nope – it's another Blake! And it's not just in person. I'm watching TV, and there's this character named Blake on every show. I can't even escape Blakes in my entertainment. It's like they've infiltrated every aspect of life. Maybe we should start a support group for non-Blakes, like "Blake-anonymous" or something. "Hi, I'm Sarah, and I've been Blake-free for three weeks." It's a struggle, people!
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