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You ever stop and think about oxen? Yeah, those big, sturdy animals we used to plow fields with. I mean, what happened to them? Did they retire? Are there ox retirement homes? "Well, Old Bessie, you've plowed your last field. Time for the pasture!" I can imagine an ox sitting there thinking, "I miss the good old days when I was a pioneer in agriculture, not just a forgotten icon on a hipster's T-shirt." But seriously, where did the ox go? I can just picture an ox trying to fit into the modern world. It's like, "Hey, Siri, plow the field." And Siri's like, "Sorry, I can't do that. But I can tell you a joke about plowing fields!" And the ox is there thinking, "Back in my day, we didn't have virtual assistants. We had real ones, and they were called farmers.
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Imagine if oxen had their own dating app. Picture an ox trying to create a profile. "Looking for a partner to plow fields and chill. Swipe right if you can handle my horns and appreciate a good roll in the mud. No hay haters, please." And then there's the awkward first date. They meet at a watering hole, and the ox is trying to impress with its plowing stories. "One time, I plowed through three acres in a single day." And the date is just sitting there thinking, "Is this guy for real? Did he just say 'plowed through' like it's a good thing?
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Can you imagine if an ox went for a job interview in the corporate world? The interviewer would be like, "So, Mr. Ox, tell me about your strengths." And the ox would proudly say, "Well, I can plow fields like nobody's business. And I have a strong work ethic. Just don't ask me to use Excel. Hooves and keyboards don't mix." And then the interviewer asks, "Any weaknesses?" The ox pauses and says, "I tend to chew cud when stressed. Also, I can't resist a good mud puddle. But hey, who can blame me? It's tough being an ox in a world that expects you to be a tractor.
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Let's talk about the word "oxymoron." You know, like "jumbo shrimp" or "act naturally." But have you ever thought about the ultimate oxymoron? An oxymoron that combines contradictions in its very essence: "ox." I mean, they're these massive, powerful creatures, and we decided to name them after a word that basically means dumb or slow. It's like calling a cheetah "Speedy McSlowpoke." And then there's the plural, "oxen." It sounds like a secret society of farm animals. "Welcome to the Oxen Club. Our first rule of plowing is you do not talk about plowing. Our second rule is moo in Morse code.
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