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You ever notice how drama seems to follow some people like a lost puppy? I've got this friend, let's call her Neve. Neve's life is like a soap opera on steroids. I mean, if her life were a movie, it would be directed by Quentin Tarantino because it's got more twists and turns than a rollercoaster. The other day she called me, and I could immediately sense the impending drama. She goes, "You won't believe what happened!" And I'm like, "Try me, Neve, try me." She tells me this elaborate story, and I'm just sitting there thinking, "Is this a telenovela or her actual life?" I half expect dramatic music to start playing in the background whenever she walks into a room.
But you know what they say, life is like a box of chocolates. In Neve's case, it's like a box of chocolates that explodes in your face just when you think everything is going smoothly. I've started keeping a drama bingo card just for her stories. It's got squares for love triangles, unexpected twists, and of course, the classic "you won't believe what happened next" moment.
I've come to the conclusion that Neve doesn't attract drama; drama sees her and thinks, "Now there's someone who could use a little excitement!" I told her she should start a reality show. I'd watch it, wouldn't you? "Neve: Life Unscripted," coming soon to a streaming service near you.
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Let's talk about to-do lists. We all have them, right? But I have this friend, Neve, and her to-do list is like the Constitution—it just never seems to end. I asked her once, "Neve, do you ever reach the bottom of that list?" And she looked at me with a mix of exhaustion and despair and said, "I'm not even sure there is a bottom." I mean, her to-do list has subcategories, color-coding, and a dedicated section for things she keeps forgetting to put on the to-do list. It's like a never-ending cycle of tasks. She crosses one thing off, and two more magically appear, like a game of whack-a-mole but with chores.
And the worst part is, she's one of those people who adds things to the list that she's already done, just for the satisfaction of crossing them off. It's like self-imposed productivity inflation. I suggested she start putting things on the list that she has no intention of doing, just to balance it out. "Learn to juggle flaming torches" or "Conquer Mt. Everest" might spice things up a bit.
I think her to-do list is secretly breeding at night, multiplying and conspiring against her. It's a living document with a life of its own. Neve's to-do list for today probably includes "Conquer the to-do list from yesterday." It's the circle of life, productivity edition.
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Let me tell you about Neve's snacking habits. I've never seen someone so committed to the art of munching. Neve treats snacks like they're a limited-time offer, and she must try every flavor before they go extinct. She's the kind of person who goes to the grocery store for milk and comes back with a cart full of snacks. I once opened her pantry, and it was like stepping into a snack wonderland. There were chips, cookies, crackers, and enough chocolate to make Willy Wonka jealous. I asked her, "Neve, are you preparing for a snack apocalypse?" She just laughed and said, "You never know when you'll need an emergency stash."
But the real kicker is that she categorizes her snacks based on mood and occasion. There are stress-relief snacks, celebration snacks, movie-watching snacks, and even snacks for existential contemplation. I'm waiting for the day she introduces me to her snack life coach who helps her navigate the complex world of chip choices.
And you know the saying, "You are what you eat"? Well, Neve must be a walking, talking snack aisle. I wouldn't be surprised if she starts having snack-themed dreams. "Last night, I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of cheese puffs, and it was glorious!" I just hope she doesn't wake up with orange fingers.
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You ever meet someone who has more questions than Google? That's my friend Neve for you. She's the human embodiment of curiosity. If there were a Jeopardy category called "Neve's Questions," Alex Trebek would need a second mortgage on his house. The other day, we were having coffee, and out of nowhere, she hits me with, "Do you ever wonder if aliens have their own version of Netflix?" I'm just trying to enjoy my latte, and she's pondering extraterrestrial entertainment systems. I told her, "Neve, I'm still trying to figure out what's good to watch on our Netflix. Let's not complicate the universe."
But you know what's worse? She doesn't just ask questions; she questions the questions. It's like she's got a PhD in curiosity. I asked her once, "Neve, why do you always ask so many questions?" And she goes, "I don't know, why not?" It's like trying to play chess with someone who insists on asking, "What if the pawn has an existential crisis?"
I'm convinced that if Neve ever met a genie, she wouldn't waste her three wishes on typical stuff. No, she'd be asking the genie about the mechanics of wish-granting and the metaphysical implications of unlimited desires. The genie would be so confused; he'd probably wish for a break.
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