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Hey, everybody! So, my ghostwriter hands me this note, and it just says "matzo." I'm like, "Alright, what's the deal with matzo? It's like the unsung hero of the bread world. It's the bread that acts like it's on a diet. Seriously, it's so thin, I feel like I'm eating a holy communion bookmark. And every Passover, it's like, 'Let's celebrate freedom by eating something that tastes like edible cardboard!'
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I was thinking, matzo is like the Sherlock Holmes of the bread aisle. It leaves you with so many questions. Like, why is it so square? Did they run out of ideas in ancient times? Were they trying to create the world's first cracker but got distracted by a camel crossing? And why does it have those little holes? Is it to make it more aerodynamic for when Moses had to part the Red Sea in a hurry? Matzo, the bread that's shrouded in mystery and unleavened enigma.
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You know you're on a deserted island when the only thing left is matzo. It's the food equivalent of being stranded on a desert island with dial-up internet. You're like, "Well, I guess I'll have this incredibly dry and tasteless cracker while I wait for my rescue ship to load." If I had to survive on matzo alone, I'd be the skinniest guy on the island. Forget "Survivor," they should have a show called "Matzo: The Ultimate Weight-Loss Challenge." I'd win that, hands down.
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You ever notice how matzo is like the Houdini of the culinary world? It can disappear in any dish. You got matzo ball soup, matzo brei, chocolate-covered matzo - it's like the Clark Kent of the food universe. It just puts on a different cape and becomes something entirely new. Matzo is the only thing that can go from "bread of affliction" to "toast of the town" in one meal. It's a culinary chameleon, folks!
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