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You ever notice how having a lizard as a pet is like having a pet that's always judging you? I mean, it just sits there on its little rock, giving you this side-eye like, "Really? That's what you're wearing today?
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I realized my lizard is the only one in the house who truly enjoys my singing. I started belting out tunes, and he just sits there, staring at me with those unblinking eyes. I think I found my number one fan, and he's cold-blooded.
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You ever try to explain to your lizard that you're going on vacation? I'm like, "Look, I'll be back in a week, Gary. Just don't throw any wild lizard parties while I'm gone, okay? No gecko raves!
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Lizards are the ultimate escape artists. My lizard disappeared for two days once. I was in full panic mode, tearing apart the house. Turns out, he was just behind the couch, probably laughing at my detective skills.
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I got a lizard recently, thinking it would be this low-maintenance pet. Turns out, it's the only roommate I've ever had that's completely unimpressed when I bring home pizza. I'm like, "Come on, at least pretend to be excited, Larry!
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Lizards are the original stealth mode experts. You can be watching TV, thinking your lizard is just chilling on the rock, and then suddenly it's on the ceiling like Spider-Lizard. It's like living with a tiny ninja.
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Lizards are the only pets that make you question your intelligence. I spend hours setting up the perfect terrarium, and my lizard's just sitting there, probably thinking, "This human thinks I need a fake palm tree. How cute.
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My lizard has this intense stare, especially when it's hunting for crickets. I tried staring at my salad the same way, hoping it would transform into a pizza. Spoiler alert: it didn't work.
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I swear, my lizard has a better skincare routine than I do. He sheds his skin like it's no big deal, and here I am struggling with a 10-step beauty regimen. Maybe I should just molt and start fresh.
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