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You ever notice how going into a jewelry store feels like entering a secret society? They look at you like you need a secret handshake just to browse. "Oh, you want to see the diamonds? Sorry, sir, you haven't passed the gemstone initiation yet.
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Ever notice how engagement rings are like tiny handcuffs? "Congratulations, you're in love! Now, carry this shiny reminder of commitment everywhere you go, and don't you dare lose it!
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Jewelry commercials always show couples exchanging gifts and looking deeply into each other's eyes. But in reality, if my partner surprised me with a diamond necklace, I'd probably be like, "Can I exchange this for a lifetime supply of pizza?
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Jewelry is the only thing that makes me feel simultaneously rich and broke. I put on a nice watch, and suddenly, I'm mentally calculating how many lunches I have to skip to justify my newfound luxury.
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I went to a jeweler to buy an engagement ring, and the salesperson started using words like carat, clarity, and cut. I felt like I was back in school taking a pop quiz. I just wanted to say, "Can you give me the 'I love her a lot' discount?
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You know you're an adult when the highlight of your week is cleaning your jewelry. It's like, "Hey, look at me, polishing my silverware like a responsible human being. Next thing you know, I'll be flossing regularly.
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I went to buy a watch, and the jeweler asked me if I wanted an automatic or a manual one. I didn't realize I was shopping for a car. I just need something to tell time, not a vehicle with a gear shift.
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I asked the jeweler if they had any affordable options. They showed me a collection of "budget-friendly" pieces, and I felt like I was in a thrift store for precious metals. "Ah, yes, this gently used gold ring has character.
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I asked the jeweler if they had anything that could make me look more sophisticated. They handed me a monocle. Now, not only do I look sophisticated, but I also look like I'm on my way to a fancy pirate convention.
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