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You ever notice how honeymoon resorts have these fancy, elaborate bathrobes in the room? Like, am I supposed to feel more in love just because I'm wearing a fluffy robe that's two sizes too big? I feel less romantic and more like I'm auditioning for a sequel to "The Big Lebowski.
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Honeymoons are all about making memories, right? Well, my memory from our honeymoon is mostly just me frantically searching for the bathroom in a foreign hotel room at 3 AM. It's like a game of "Find the Toilet" in every new country.
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On our honeymoon, my spouse had this brilliant idea to immerse ourselves in the local culture. So there we were, attempting a salsa dance class. Let's just say that the locals were impressed with our unique interpretation of salsa, which I like to call the "awkward shuffle.
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So, we're on our honeymoon, and I quickly realized that my idea of a romantic sunset involves Netflix and pajamas. Not climbing a mountain to watch the sun go down, hoping we don't get lost and spend our first night as a married couple fending off raccoons.
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One thing they never tell you about honeymoon destinations is that the local wildlife doesn't care about your romantic getaway. I had a bird steal my sandwich once. Romantic, right? Nothing says love like sharing your lunch with the local seagull community.
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Honeymoon beds are supposed to be luxurious, right? Well, let me tell you, in some places, a honeymoon suite just means you get an extra throw pillow. Because nothing says romance like arguing over who gets the one comfortable pillow.
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Honeymoon photos are a big thing, right? Trying to capture those perfect moments. But let's be real, for every stunning sunset pic, there are about 20 where you're both squinting into the camera, trying not to get sand in your eyes, and regretting the decision to take a beach vacation.
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Honeymoon shopping is a special kind of challenge. You go into a local market thinking you're going to find exotic treasures, and you come out with a fridge magnet that says "I Heart [Insert Destination Here]." Because nothing says eternal love like a $2 magnet, right?
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The best part about honeymoons is the realization that love can survive navigating foreign airports, deciphering confusing street signs, and enduring the dreaded travel sickness. If you can make it through all that, you can probably make it through anything. Marriage, truly a test of patience and Google Maps skills.
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