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You ever wonder if forensic investigators get jealous of other scientists? Like, the astronomers get to explore the universe, and forensic scientists are stuck in a lab with crime scene photos. "Oh, you discovered a new galaxy? Well, I found a fingerprint on a doorknob.
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Forensic artists can create accurate sketches of suspects based on eyewitness descriptions. Meanwhile, I struggle to draw a stick figure that doesn't look like it's having an existential crisis. Maybe I should enroll in a forensic art class to up my sketching game.
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I was watching a forensic show the other day, and they were talking about how they can identify a person by their unique body odor. I'm just thinking, "Man, I can't even recognize my roommate's shampoo in the shower. Are forensic investigators also fragrance experts?
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Forensic investigators use luminol to detect bloodstains. I can't even get my laundry detergent to remove a coffee stain. Maybe I should start using forensic-grade cleaning products – "New and improved, now with crime-scene-level stain removal!
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I read that forensic experts can analyze the contents of a person's stomach to determine their last meal. If someone did that to me, they'd find a suspicious amount of pizza and chocolate. I'd be the prime suspect in the case of the mysteriously disappearing snacks.
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Forensic scientists can determine the time of death with incredible precision. Meanwhile, I struggle to estimate how long it takes to microwave leftovers without turning them into a rubbery mess. Maybe I should hire a forensic chef for my kitchen.
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You ever notice how crime scene investigators always seem to find the tiniest piece of evidence, like a hair or a fiber? I can't even find my car keys half the time, and they're not exactly microscopic. Maybe I need a forensic team to help me locate my misplaced socks.
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You know you're an adult when you start looking at your carpet and thinking, "Wow, this would be a challenging crime scene to clean up." Forensic investigators would have a field day with spaghetti sauce spills and pet hair.
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I saw a forensic expert on TV talking about bite marks. Apparently, they can identify individuals by their unique bite patterns. Meanwhile, I can't even bite into an apple without accidentally getting my own thumb involved. I guess I'd make a terrible forensic dental record.
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