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You know, sometimes I wonder if being dumb is a secret superpower that some people just haven't figured out how to use yet. I mean, think about it. They say ignorance is bliss, right? Maybe these folks are onto something. I envy them; they're living in a perpetual state of bliss, blissfully unaware of the chaos they're causing. I was at the store the other day, and this guy in front of me at the checkout line was having a heated argument with the cashier. Turns out, he thought the "buy one, get one free" deal meant you could take the second item and leave without paying. Now, that's what I call a discount ninja! He was so convinced he cracked the code of capitalism right there in aisle five.
I thought to myself, "Man, I wish I could tap into that level of dumb genius. Life would be so much simpler.
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Let's take a moment to appreciate the dumbest moments in history. I'm not talking about your average, run-of-the-mill dumb; I'm talking about historical facepalm-inducing stupidity. Remember the guy who tried to invade Russia in the winter? Napoleon, you brilliant tactician, you. And what about the person who thought, "Hey, let's build a ship that's unsinkable!" Oh, the irony, Mr. Titanic Engineer. It's like they were playing a game of historical bingo, trying to check off every box on the "How to Fail Spectacularly" list.
I imagine these people sitting around, brainstorming these ideas, and no one in the room having the guts to say, "Uh, guys, this might be the dumbest thing we've ever come up with.
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Ever been on a date where the person across from you makes you question the entire concept of natural selection? I once went out with someone who, bless their heart, thought a palindrome was a new form of exercise. They were like, "I've been doing palindromes every morning, and I still can't fit into my jeans." I didn't have the heart to tell them it was crunches they needed, not palindromes. Dating the dumb is like playing relationship roulette. You never know what you're going to get. One day they're quoting Shakespeare, and the next day they're asking if the chicken Caesar salad is vegetarian because it has chicken in it.
I guess they say love is blind for a reason. Sometimes, it's just easier not to see the dumb coming.
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You ever notice how there's always that one friend who manages to redefine the word "dumb"? I've got a buddy who takes it to a whole new level. I mean, we're talking about a guy who, when you ask him to use his brain, you can almost hear the crickets in there, trying to find some company. It's like his brain cells are playing hide and seek, and they're really, really good at it. One day, he comes up to me and says, "I just had the dumbest idea ever." Now, when this guy says "dumbest," it's like the Olympic gold medal of stupidity. I brace myself, thinking, "How bad can it be?" Turns out, he wanted to invent a solar-powered flashlight. Yeah, you heard me right, a solar-powered flashlight. I didn't know whether to laugh or buy him a ticket to a science museum.
I told him, "Buddy, that's not the dumbest idea; that's the Nobel Prize in Dumbology!
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