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Cub Scouts are all about teamwork and camaraderie. As an adult, my teamwork skills shine when I can get my friends to agree on a restaurant for dinner. It's like herding cats, but with more hunger and indecision.
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Cub Scouts teach kids essential survival skills, like how to start a fire or navigate in the woods. Meanwhile, as an adult, my idea of survival is successfully avoiding eye contact with my neighbor while taking out the trash. It's a different kind of wilderness out here.
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Cub Scouts learn about responsibility and taking care of the environment. As an adult, I'm proud to say I recycle. Well, I put things in the recycling bin and hope for the best. It's the thought that counts, right?
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You know, I was never a Cub Scout, but I've got friends who were. They always talk about the skills they learned, like tying knots and building fires. Meanwhile, I'm over here struggling to assemble IKEA furniture without any instructions. I think I missed the "Adulting 101" class.
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Cub Scouts go camping and learn to appreciate nature. As an adult, my idea of camping is staying at a hotel without room service. The closest I get to wildlife is the lobby's potted plant.
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Cub Scouts have the Scout Oath, pledging to do their best to do their duty. Meanwhile, my daily oath is more like, "I solemnly swear not to hit the snooze button for the third time tomorrow morning." Adulting is hard, okay?
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Cub Scouts earn merit badges for their accomplishments. Meanwhile, my biggest accomplishment today was finding matching socks. I'm thinking there should be an adulting badge for that. I'd wear it proudly.
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Cub Scouts wear uniforms with patches to showcase their achievements. If adults had uniforms with patches, mine would probably have one for successfully avoiding small talk and another for making it through the day without spilling coffee on myself. Call it the "Socially Awkward Survivalist" collection.
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Cub Scouts have this motto: "Do Your Best." I respect that, but as an adult, my best sometimes looks a lot like ordering takeout and pretending I cooked. I call it "culinary creativity with a dash of laziness.
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