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The Spy at the Supermarket
Balancing undercover missions and grocery shopping
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The hardest part about being a spy at the supermarket is trying to blend in while talking into your wristwatch. People think you're ordering groceries, but you're actually negotiating world peace in the produce aisle.
The Zombie Fitness Instructor
Encouraging people to "run" for their lives during workouts
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My workout playlist includes zombie groans and screams. It's so effective that even the gym rats are breaking personal records to outrun imaginary zombies. It's not the fear of failure; it's the fear of becoming a zombie's midnight snack.
The Invisible Roommate
Sharing an apartment with a roommate who can't be seen
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The other day, I accidentally sat on my invisible roommate's favorite chair. He gave me the silent treatment for a week. I had no idea until he left a note saying, "Next time, I'll hide your TV remote.
The Alien Tourist
Trying to understand Earth's customs and technology
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I went to a fast-food joint and asked for a "universal translator" because I couldn't understand the menu. They handed me a kid who spoke five languages. Close enough.
The Time-Traveling Stand-Up Comedian
Navigating through different eras while trying to tell jokes that everyone understands
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I told a medieval audience I was from the future, and they asked if I had brought back a cure for the plague. I said, "No, but I've got memes that'll make you forget about it.
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