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I think we all need a little budge therapy in our lives. You know, a support group for chronic non-budgers. We could sit in a circle and share our experiences. "Hi, I'm Dave, and I haven't budged in line for a week." The group would clap, and we'd all celebrate each other's small victories. Maybe we can have a buddy system, too. Like, if you feel the urge to budge, you can call your budge buddy, and they'll talk you down. "Put the extra creamer back in the fridge, Karen. You don't need to budge at the office coffee station. We believe in you!
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Budging is like a sport these days. There should be a Budge Olympics, with judges scoring people on their finesse, creativity, and shamelessness. I can see it now: "And in the Budge Olympics, the gold medal goes to... the guy who cut in line at the coffee shop using the classic 'I thought this was the exit' move! Pure genius!" I tried my hand at the Budge Olympics the other day. I attempted the "Casual Phone Call Budge." You know, pretending you're so engrossed in your conversation that you accidentally step in front of someone. Let's just say, my performance didn't earn me any medals. More like a participation ribbon and a glare from the person I cut off.
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You know where people really lose their budge sense? In line. It's like a budge battleground out there. You're standing, minding your own business, and someone tries to subtly slide in front of you. Oh no, not today! I become the line referee. "Excuse me, sir, you're gonna have to step back behind the imaginary politeness line. We're all waiting here." But then there are those line ninjas, the ones who think they can budge without anyone noticing. You turn your head for one second, and suddenly, they're in front of you. I feel like I need a "Budging Awareness Ribbon" to wear at all times, just to let people know, "I'm watching you, and I will protect my spot in this line with my life.
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You ever try to get someone to budge on something? It's like negotiating with a toddler who's hoarding all the toys. You're there, using your best adult words, and they're just staring at you, giving you that blank look. "Come on, budge a little!" But nope, they've locked themselves into a position tighter than a jar of pickles after arm day at the gym. I tried to get my friend to budge on picking the restaurant the other day. I suggested Italian, he suggested sushi. We went back and forth like a culinary tennis match. Finally, he says, "Let's compromise. How about a sushi place that also serves spaghetti?" I'm like, "Dude, that's not compromise, that's a cry for help from the chef!
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