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The Optometrist
Dealing with blue-eyed patients
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Blue-eyed folks love to boast about their rare eye color. I had a patient telling me, "Doc, you know, only 8% of the world has blue eyes." I'm thinking, "Great, you're a member of the exclusive blue-eyed club. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to find the right lens for your celestial orbs.
The Paranoid Blue-Eyed Conspiracy Theorist
Believing blue eyes have a secret agenda
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Blue-eyed paranoia is real. One patient told me, "I can't trust anyone with brown eyes; they're up to something." I'm standing there thinking, "Dude, I'm just trying to help you see clearly, not recruit you into some eye color espionage.
The Failed Blue-Eyed Superhero
Blue-eyed superhero with questionable powers
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Blue-eyed superheroes would have hilarious weaknesses. My kryptonite? Red-eye reduction flash in cameras. I'm just over there at the crime scene like, "Could you not use the flash? It's not very heroic.
The Jealous Brown-Eyed Friend
Feeling left out in a group of blue-eyed friends
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My friends always say, "Brown eyes are so common; you're lucky to have something unique." I'm like, "Yeah, so common that when you take a group photo, it looks like the United Nations of Eyes, and I'm representing the masses.
The Confused Makeup Artist
Trying to enhance blue eyes with makeup
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Makeup for blue eyes is like solving a complicated puzzle. I had a woman tell me, "I want my eyes to look like the ocean." I'm there with a palette, wondering if she means calm and serene or if I should throw in a shark for dramatic effect.
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