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Hey, everybody! So, I was recently hanging out with a group of 10 and 11-year-olds, or as I like to call them, "tweenagers." You know, those kids who are too old for toys but too young for dating apps. It's a real awkward age. I asked them what it's like being 10 and 11, and they looked at me like I just asked them to explain the theory of relativity. One kid goes, "It's tough, man. We're stuck between wanting to play Fortnite and worrying about our retirement plans. It's a real struggle."
And I'm like, "Retirement plans? You haven't even mastered tying your shoes yet!" These kids are worried about the future while I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. It's like they're born with 401(k) anxiety.
But you know what the real struggle is? Trying to understand their slang. They've got this secret language that only they understand. I overheard one kid saying, "That's sus, bro." I'm like, "Sus? Is that short for 'suspend your disbelief' or something?"
Tweenagers, man. They're a mystery wrapped in a Fortnite dance, and I'm just here trying to keep up.
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So, I was hanging out with a group of 10 and 11-year-olds, and I noticed something fascinating. These kids are tech gurus. I handed one of them my phone, and he starts swiping and tapping like he's hacking into the Pentagon. I asked, "How do you know all this?" He looks at me and goes, "It's easy, Uncle Comedian. We were born with touchscreens." Born with touchscreens? I barely figured out how to set up my voicemail.
But here's the thing, these kids are so tech-savvy that they make me feel like a Neanderthal. I showed them my old flip phone, and they looked at it like I just pulled out a relic from ancient times. One kid said, "Did people in your era even have fun without emojis?"
And don't get me started on their knowledge of memes. I mentioned a classic "Distracted Boyfriend" meme, and they're like, "Oh, you mean the one that went viral when I was in kindergarten?" I felt like I was telling them about the invention of the wheel.
So, watch out, world. The tech revolution is coming, led by a generation of 10 and 11-year-olds who can code before they can tie their shoelaces.
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Let me tell you about hanging out with 10 and 11-year-olds. I asked them about school, and they all started whispering like I had just asked them to join a secret spy mission. I'm like, "What's the deal with school, guys?" Turns out, they're convinced there's a worldwide conspiracy against them, and it's called homework. One kid goes, "They give us homework just to ruin our lives. I bet teachers have secret meetings to come up with evil math problems."
I tried to explain that homework is meant to help them learn, but they're not buying it. They think it's a plot to keep them from playing video games. One kid said, "I spend more time on homework than I do on TikTok, and that's saying something."
And they have a point. I remember when homework was just coloring inside the lines. Now, these kids are solving equations that look like they belong in a NASA control room. I'm over here struggling to help with long division, and they're like, "You're doing it wrong, Uncle Comedian. This is the new math."
Homework, the ultimate enemy of 10 and 11-year-olds. It's like the boogeyman, but with algebra.
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I had a profound conversation with a 10-year-old the other day. I asked him, "What's the meaning of life?" And he looks at me dead in the eyes and says, "Fortnite and pizza, man. That's all you need." I couldn't argue with that wisdom. I mean, think about it. Fortnite is like the modern-day philosophy, and pizza is the answer to all of life's problems. This kid has cracked the code to happiness, and here I am stressing about my 401(k).
But they're also surprisingly insightful. I asked another 10-year-old what advice he had for adults, and he goes, "Chill out, dude. Life's too short to worry about bills and stuff. Just enjoy your snacks."
I was taken aback by the simplicity of it. Maybe we all need to take a lesson from 10-year-olds and prioritize snacks and video games. It's like they're tiny Zen masters with a penchant for Fruit Roll-Ups.
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